Such an open declaration of possessiveness makes Hythlodaeus's heart skip a beat, even if he can understand that the undercurrent of thought behind that statement is rather darker than simple desire.
"Mm? And would you let me go, if I did?" As ever, his answer is joking at first, even if Hythlodaeus realizes a little too late that it might not be a good idea to joke about it at all. "But in seriousness..."
Hythlodaeus looks down at his sandwich, then pinches off a little bit and brings the morsel up to Hades's lips.
As Hythlodaeus suspects, Hades' grip on his hand tightens. His lips delicately take the morsel of bread and he swallows it, the simple motion calming him enough to answer levelly.
"I would keep you here if I could, although I dislike our present circumstances. I feel like half a man without all my magicks to call upon and our lack of freedom...it chafes at times."
He has grown used to wandering the world, seeing something new every century. He doesn't know if he could settle if they did stay. Would he grow bored after a few decades and crave new sights?
Hades' expression falls slightly. "That said, of the two of us, you have a greater chance of successful rehabilitation. We may not have a choice in the matter."
Hythlodaeus hums briefly, letting his hand linger near Hades's lips. It's so like his friend to worry so much about things that have yet to come to pass (if they come to pass at all, that is). The thought is comforting, yet at the same time Hythlodaeus wants Hades to feel comfortable most of all. Hades did not need so many lines upon his brow when they were young already; with the added eyebags, pale skin and gaunt features he looks even more glum than ever.
Hmmm.
"Mayhap I simply need to commit some more misdeeds here to avoid early rehabilitation. Right, Hades?~"
With that he raises his other hand, too, in order to... take Hades's cheeks and pull them up. Come on, a smile better suits a hero his boyfriend!
He squawks a little in surprise (a funny little sound that Hythlodaeus is sure to cherish). He reaches up instinctively to grab at his partner's wrists, trying to push or pull them away from him.
His speech may be muffled by the forced smile. "Don't be foolish, Hythlodaeus. I'm not worth a deliberate misdemeanour. You ought to return home and-- and love me as I was. Not as I am now."
That's right. As much as he wants Hythlodaeus to remain, he thinks he would prefer to cherish memories created in their idyllic home. Not here where the trauma of the past twelve thousand years weighs him down.
He certainly does cherish that undignified squawk, as he does the memory of every time he managed to completely bypass Hades's strict-and-serious demeanour. And though Hades pushes at his hands, Hythlodaeus doesn't quite let go, not until the other man finishes speaking.
"Oh? Can I not love you as you were and as you are now?"
Hythlodaeus lets go of Hades's cheeks finally, although he does not pull away entirely: instead he cups his friend's face in his hands.
As he's forced to stare into Hythlodaeus' eyes, he finds himself overwhelmed once more by the deep, desperate affection he has locked away for so many millennia. Everything about himself is wrong though. He's shorter, his face is not so long, his eyes, hair, nose, lips - all these small things you see every day in a mirror are not him. Hythlodaeus will not realise until later, but Hades has taken down all the mirrors in the house.
He can't bear the thought of growing accustomed to this face and this body. If he forgets who he is, then he truly will be lost. Hythlodaeus loves Hades, not Solus.
He is Hades, holder of the Third Seat of the Convocation of Fourteen.
He is Hades...
He is--
He surges forward abruptly and kisses his friend full on the mouth. Much like in the labyrinth, the kiss contains his desperation and loneliness.
Now it's Hythlodaeus's turn to make a sound of surprise; he'd expected his friend to huff about how he's not foolish, not a kiss. And so Hythlodaeus can't help blushing, but it's not like he's going to complain - quite the opposite. Once he regains his composure a little, he rests a hand at the back of Hades's head and kisses back, trying to match Hades's pace if a little clumsily; he has rather less experience than his friend.
But at the same time Hythlodaeus can't help but wonder what exactly prompted this bout of desperation. Of course, Hades has been away from him for a terribly long time, but...
Perhaps there is not much point in pondering it right now, especially when he can simply ask later. Instead Hythlodaeus rests his other hand on Hades's shoulder, fingers digging in a little as he lets himself get lost in the kiss.
It's pure selfishness, the kiss. At some point Hades realises that he's perhaps pushing for too much too fast and tones down his fervour to give Hythlodaeus a chance to collect himself. Hades tastes the sandwich his friend had been eating, absently helps put it aside in favour of losing himself to the kiss as well.
When he's finally satisfied, his face has a light flush and he's gazing at Hythlodaeus with undisguised longing. His hand reaches up and he gently brushes his friend's cheek with the backs of his fingers.
"While I wear this face, I cannot truly be 'me'," he says quietly. "I stole this body from a man named Solus. I snuffed out his soul and took its place. What if I say that I don't want you to love me as I am now but remember me as I once was?"
While Hythlodaeus would love to deny it, his face is rather more flushed than Hades's, unused as he is to such displays of affection - including the stroking of his cheek. Isn't he supposed to be the shameless one here?
But Hades's words help sober Hythlodaeus up. He pauses at the mention of his friend snuffing out another's soul, as though not quite able to believe it. Helping send an already departed soul on to the Underworld is one thing; doing that to a living person is another. And even though part of Hythlodaeus's brain can't help wondering how exactly that would work, the rest of him feels uneasy at the casual way Hades says that.
It may well have to be another matter they discuss in more detail later.
Hythlodaeus sighs softly, returning to the present, and raises a hand to cover Hades's.
"That may be so... but you must remember that my... our eyes are not quite like those of others. Whatever you may look like, the one I see before me is Hades."
He's aware of his own tempering. Yet of course, what servant of their god would ever say that they didn't want to serve them?
His lips part as though to speak but...the words won't come. A part of him rebels at the thought of ever carving Zodiark's essence out of his own soul. It had been the only way he could still feel connected to Hythlodaeus these past twelve thousand years or so.
"I-- chose this. Why should I give it up?" he replies haltingly. Elidibus' admonishment and warning to not harm the Warrior of Light comes to mind. "Zodiark saved our star. I will serve Him to my dying breath."
Hythlodaeus watches his friend intently. He can see that some sort of inner struggle is going on... but this is beyond his knowledge. He knows Hades well, but the twelve millennia between them and the experiences Hades has had mean that there are things Hythlodaeus doesn't, can't know.
"... You've always been very dutiful. Even when 'tis too heavy a burden on you."
There are things he doesn't know, yes. But there are also things that he does. Hythlodaeus keeps his eyes on his friend - partner - as he says that. Any change in expression will be a clue to him whether he's on the right track.
Despite Hades's protestations, Hythlodaeus can feel that something is wrong here. His friend has always been dutiful, yes, but even when faced with the hardest tasks and sleepless nights, Hades would have that stubborn fire in him, when his responsibility was his pride as well. But right now... that fire is not there. The brief time that Hythlodaeus had seen Hades like this was at the very start of his tenure as Emet-Selch; when he was still wracked with conflict and worry of whether he will be able to shoulder this responsibility.
When is he not tired? He can't even bring himself to retort with that because it's true. He's desperately tired. He wants to lie down and let the aetherial sea wash away every worry and regret. But he can't abandon his duty or his people, he can't.
"I can't rest. Not until everyone is--"
Ah, but that's pointless too.
Hades leans forwards and tries to hide his face against Hythlodaeus' shoulder. "I have to save them," he mumbles. "I must..."
His eyes slowly close and the tension in him gradually unwinds.
"A few decades of sleep sound quite pleasant..." he mumbles. If only this flesh and blood body were capable of such a thing. "Could you sing me to my slumber, old friend...?"
Hythlodaeus smiles to himself. Well, that seems to be a success!
"Gladly, my dear. Although if you do fall asleep for a few decades, I would feel rather lonely after a while."
Despite the joke, though, he starts to hum a lullaby - the same he'd sung in the maze. Should Hades indeed doze off, Hythlodaeus would be glad to carry him to his bed for a nap.
Lulled by his friend's gentle humming, Hades soon drifts to sleep. He's wholly unaware of being carried to his bed (later he might wonder how Hythlodaeus managed the strength to do so) but for the first time in a very long time, his sleep isn't troubled by apparitions of the past.
It may not be the decade of sleep that he desires, but it's better than none.
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"Mm? And would you let me go, if I did?" As ever, his answer is joking at first, even if Hythlodaeus realizes a little too late that it might not be a good idea to joke about it at all. "But in seriousness..."
Hythlodaeus looks down at his sandwich, then pinches off a little bit and brings the morsel up to Hades's lips.
"I would not want to leave without you."
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"I would keep you here if I could, although I dislike our present circumstances. I feel like half a man without all my magicks to call upon and our lack of freedom...it chafes at times."
He has grown used to wandering the world, seeing something new every century. He doesn't know if he could settle if they did stay. Would he grow bored after a few decades and crave new sights?
Hades' expression falls slightly. "That said, of the two of us, you have a greater chance of successful rehabilitation. We may not have a choice in the matter."
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Hmmm.
"Mayhap I simply need to commit some more misdeeds here to avoid early rehabilitation. Right, Hades?~"
With that he raises his other hand, too, in order to... take Hades's cheeks and pull them up. Come on, a smile better suits
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His speech may be muffled by the forced smile. "Don't be foolish, Hythlodaeus. I'm not worth a deliberate misdemeanour. You ought to return home and-- and love me as I was. Not as I am now."
That's right. As much as he wants Hythlodaeus to remain, he thinks he would prefer to cherish memories created in their idyllic home. Not here where the trauma of the past twelve thousand years weighs him down.
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"Oh? Can I not love you as you were and as you are now?"
Hythlodaeus lets go of Hades's cheeks finally, although he does not pull away entirely: instead he cups his friend's face in his hands.
"Now who's being foolish."
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He can't bear the thought of growing accustomed to this face and this body. If he forgets who he is, then he truly will be lost. Hythlodaeus loves Hades, not Solus.
He is Hades, holder of the Third Seat of the Convocation of Fourteen.
He is Hades...
He is--
He surges forward abruptly and kisses his friend full on the mouth. Much like in the labyrinth, the kiss contains his desperation and loneliness.
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But at the same time Hythlodaeus can't help but wonder what exactly prompted this bout of desperation. Of course, Hades has been away from him for a terribly long time, but...
Perhaps there is not much point in pondering it right now, especially when he can simply ask later. Instead Hythlodaeus rests his other hand on Hades's shoulder, fingers digging in a little as he lets himself get lost in the kiss.
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When he's finally satisfied, his face has a light flush and he's gazing at Hythlodaeus with undisguised longing. His hand reaches up and he gently brushes his friend's cheek with the backs of his fingers.
"While I wear this face, I cannot truly be 'me'," he says quietly. "I stole this body from a man named Solus. I snuffed out his soul and took its place. What if I say that I don't want you to love me as I am now but remember me as I once was?"
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But Hades's words help sober Hythlodaeus up. He pauses at the mention of his friend snuffing out another's soul, as though not quite able to believe it. Helping send an already departed soul on to the Underworld is one thing; doing that to a living person is another. And even though part of Hythlodaeus's brain can't help wondering how exactly that would work, the rest of him feels uneasy at the casual way Hades says that.
It may well have to be another matter they discuss in more detail later.
Hythlodaeus sighs softly, returning to the present, and raises a hand to cover Hades's.
"That may be so... but you must remember that my... our eyes are not quite like those of others. Whatever you may look like, the one I see before me is Hades."
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"Even that has changed though. Surely you've noticed..."
Zodiark's touch upon his soul. He can't see it himself but he has seen how it affected their brethren aeons ago after the summoning.
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Hythlodaeus moves a little closer, eyes trained on Hades's face.
"I do not dislike it. But... do you?"
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His lips part as though to speak but...the words won't come. A part of him rebels at the thought of ever carving Zodiark's essence out of his own soul. It had been the only way he could still feel connected to Hythlodaeus these past twelve thousand years or so.
"I-- chose this. Why should I give it up?" he replies haltingly. Elidibus' admonishment and warning to not harm the Warrior of Light comes to mind. "Zodiark saved our star. I will serve Him to my dying breath."
Literally, he thinks with a silent, bitter laugh.
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"... You've always been very dutiful. Even when 'tis too heavy a burden on you."
There are things he doesn't know, yes. But there are also things that he does. Hythlodaeus keeps his eyes on his friend - partner - as he says that. Any change in expression will be a clue to him whether he's on the right track.
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"'Tis not a burden when I'm simply righting a wrong," he mutters. "I swore to do what is best for our people. For our star."
Yes. What he does is the bare minimum expected for someone of his office. And yet, he feels discontented about it.
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"But you are tired. Aren't you, Hades?"
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"I can't rest. Not until everyone is--"
Ah, but that's pointless too.
Hades leans forwards and tries to hide his face against Hythlodaeus' shoulder. "I have to save them," he mumbles. "I must..."
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"You must rest, Hades. And you know I am not above using every trick in my book to drag you out when you get too caught up in your work."
Thinking about it, now that they've started a romantic relationship Hythlodaeus has a lot more new tricks in that book.
"... This is not our star, Hades. You have no duties here."
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"A few decades of sleep sound quite pleasant..." he mumbles. If only this flesh and blood body were capable of such a thing. "Could you sing me to my slumber, old friend...?"
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"Gladly, my dear. Although if you do fall asleep for a few decades, I would feel rather lonely after a while."
Despite the joke, though, he starts to hum a lullaby - the same he'd sung in the maze. Should Hades indeed doze off, Hythlodaeus would be glad to carry him to his bed for a nap.
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It may not be the decade of sleep that he desires, but it's better than none.