You don't know that for certain, [ he hisses between his teeth. ] We have only told them the beginning, and Azem left me - left all of us - over the initial sacrifice alone. I cannot imagine them returning after they learn about what I've done in the years since.
[ He starts trudging through the snow. He has no destination in mind. Even after the decades spent in Ilsabard's frigid north, the cold here still seeps through his feet and chills him to the bone. Maybe if he walks far enough then he can finally find some peace. ]
Now if you'll excuse me... I should like to be left alone. Again.
[No, he doesn't know that for certain. But the Azem of the past did not have time the way they do now. The Azem of the past could not learn the full story. The Azem of the past did not know the full weight of the tragic events. The Azem of the past... did not have many paths available to them.
And while they are different people -- just as Ardbert and himself lived different lives, had opposite and contrasting personalities -- somehow... somehow he thinks Azem, no, Dionysos, will choose to move forward.
Despite Hades' words, Rhea'li falls into step beside him. In the past, perhaps he would leave well alone. But with the pain leaking through their bond, all he can think of is how much it hurts to be alone. It might annoy Hades to not have his wishes followed in this instance, but Rhea'li silently but doggedly walks beside him.]
[ It does annoy him that Rhea'li isn't leaving him to his misery. But he doesn't have the heart to snap at them to leave him. So he pointedly ignores Rhea'li for a while as they traipse through the snow. He doesn't know where he's going. He just wants to lose himself in the cold. Maybe fold in on himself somewhere until he freezes. Maybe yell into the void.
Eventually, after they lose sight of town, he finds a large rock and sits down heavily. ]
...What else could I have done then? [ he mutters tonelessly. ] Should I have let the star die? Perhaps that was what we deserved.
[Rhea'li sits himself down on the rock also, next to him but looking away.]
You made the best decision you could with the information you had.
[That was what made the tale of the ancients so tragic. Everyone had been acting in the interests of saving the star -- "We did everything right, everything that was asked of us, and still–still, it came to this!" Ardbert's words resonate deep within him -- and in doing so created suffering hitherto unimaginable.
Rhea'li lets out a long breath, the cold making it a puff of white.]
Even when we were in opposition, I was never angry at you.
[Not when he learnt the extent of what Hades had wrought, not even as he was in the process of transforming into a monster as a direct result of Hades' actions.]
Well, aren't you forgiving! [ he snaps irritably. ] Far more than Azem is. Since you are always so keen on reminding me: your forgiving me doesn't mean Azem will. I may be lucky to even be spoken to.
[Rhea'li hums. It is true that he has insisted on his own personhood, his individuality separate from Dionysos. But their points of commonality... mayhaps it is the pain that he has endured that makes it easier to bear the news.]
Just because they haven't done so yet, that does not mean they won't change their mind. Azem loved Eitherys more than most. So much so that it is almost a prerequisite for the seat! And what have I done in the millennia since? I've not only destroyed entire civilisations - the Rejoinings laid waste to their beloved star seven times over! How could they love someone like that?
[ He glowers at the snow in disgust. ] 'Twas nice while it lasted, Rhea'li. But I do not want your sympathy nor your pity.
[Rhea'li lets silence reign for a moment, emotions calm.]
Though you think yourself incapable of being loved, Hythlodaeus loves you still, does he not?
[He's just going out on a limb here, going off what he observed from their time in Elpis, from the ghosts of the man once was -- both real and created -- and their time summoned in Ultima Thule. And, of course, their interactions here in Nippon.]
'Tis true Azem may decide to break the bond, for your sins are many and the burden heavy. Yet they may decide to keep it. You know not your future with Azem, but until that bond is broken [and even then, bonds can be mended] you have one, imperfect as it is.
[He does not have something so symbolic as a flower to pierce through the despair held in Hades' heart. But he does stand and reach over to press a hand over Hades heart, the same motion that both he and Azem had done to bond with him.]
To believe there is something better than the present, no matter how slim the chance... That is hope, is it not?
[ He brushes the hand aside with a scowl - although not so violently as to push Rhea'li away completely. ]
Hythlodaeus volunteered as a sacrifice. He understood from the beginning why I-- why we had no other choice. Azem never did. Azem resigned their seat rather than take part in the summoning. We argued before they left, said many unkind things about one another... I never had the chance to apologise and I never will.
[ Because an apology for oneself where the other party is ignorant of the reason is no apology at all. ]
[ He drops his head into his hands, staring at the snow-laden ground. He's starting to go numb from the cold but he doesn't care. ]
I don't expect their forgiveness, or their understanding. I would make the same choices because that is all I-- all we could do in the moment... Try as I might, I cannot see another way to save our star. If all they would give me is their hate, then I suppose I will have to make peace with having lost them for good.
For the first time, Rhea'li hesitates. He knows that when he clashed with Emet-Selch, it was ultimately over whose will to save the star they so loved was stronger, who had the strength to be the caretaker of the star; the ancients who loved with all their immortal lives, or the short-lived mortals who warred and loved alike. Just... Emet-Selch's version of the star existed in the past, while his existed in the present. And as far as Rhea'li was concerned, one should trouble themselves with the now rather than turn back the hands of time.
Mayhaps because he oft wondered about that time G'raha had come from that he could not fully accept that it had been destroyed in the efforts to save his life.
His next words come out slow and careful, gaze levelled at the same patch of snow as Hades' stare.]
I learned something interesting when I came to this land. I met Thancred... and he did not recognise me, for the Warrior of Light who arose as Hydaelyn's champion in his world was not I.
[He raises his head.]
There are other Etheirys in existence. [His voice lowers, as if entrusting Hades with a secret.] Mayhap there is one whose fate can be averted with knowledge from another world.
...Even if that were so, it won't be the world that I know. Nothing can reverse death. True death. I know that better than anyone.
[ After aeons of toiling in the name of his people, can one begrudge him some measure of selfishness now? The happiness of some other him in another world does nothing for he who exists now, in this present situation. ]
Not that I was in a state to care at the time, but I suspected as much when the Exarch did not vanish upon your changing the fate of the First. He is an anomaly that should not have existed. In his time, we Ascians must have succeeded for him to venture on such a foolish and reckless trip through time.
[Rhea'li is not here to debate hypocricy, for he knows all parties involved would do all in their power to save the star they love. If the chance to save it lay before them, then they would grasp it.
And that is why he continues--]
For Azem... the Final Days has yet to occur. When the scientists have resolved the time loops mayhap the knowledge gained from the Etheirys I fought for could avert the Final Days of their time... should you all choose to return.
[ He lifts his head up just enough to stare at Rhea'li blankly. ]
...I suppose. It hardly matters to me now. Do as you please.
[ It is perhaps not the best time to be trying to rally his spirits with the hope of what could be. Hades is too practical to believe in something unproven. ]
...Something tells me you won't accept 'no' for an answer.
[ Call it his... 'Azem sense', if you will. He reluctantly stands, brushing away stray bits of snow off the seat of his pants. They're cold and wet but he welcomes the numbness right now. ]
[Rhea'li has a place in mind, so he strides confidently back to town through the snow. Most places were making moves to close as the snow begins to build but there is a rather lovely yakiniku establishment that he's grown quite fond of.
It's much warmer inside (of course) and the smell of sizzling meats is quite strong in the air. Rhea'li leads them to an empty table in the corner.]
Have you eaten at an establishment like this before?
[ He casts his gaze about, listlessly at first, but makes visible effort to take in the establishment after a lungful of the heavy aroma of cooking meat. ]
I have seen past civilisations with a similar practice... Grilling meat is a fairly common invention. That and...some manner of bread. Soup. Noodles. Pastry.
[ He quickly realises that he does have an appetite and swallows. He slowly takes a seat cross-legged at the table. ]
[Rhea'li simply smiles before flagging down one of the waitstaff and ordering a plate of meat for them to grill. No, Hades does not get to choose.]
Fascinating, no? That cultures of all kinds, even those of different stars, would invent the same things. Yet all with their own little variations.
[It doesn't take long for the meats to arrive. There are a good variety of lean cuts and fatty cuts, as well as less common ones like liver and animal ears. Rhea'li picks up his chopsticks -- he spent enough time in the Far East to learn to use them properly before his arrival here -- and places some of the meat onto the grill, the scent of cooking meat and fat immediately wafting up.]
[ He narrows his eyes briefly at Rhea'li, expecting more commentary. When it isn't forthcoming, he drops his gaze back to the grill. Rhea'li has ordered quite a generous spread. Well-travelled though he is, the more unusual parts like ears are not something he is used to seeing cooked.
Eventually, he picks up a set of tongs and starts putting some of his own choices on the grill. As they wait for the meat to cook, his thoughts wander again. He can trace the origin of so many things back to those invented by his people. Not just the beasts which survived the calamity but traces of culture, food, art and music. Many of the stories told echo ones crafted by notable creatives of his time. To him, all these things are familiar. To someone like Rhea'li, or Azem, they're novel.
He sighs quietly, feeling the weight of an entire world pressing down on his shoulders again. It ruins some of his appetite - not enough, however, to stop his stomach from growling as he removes a fully cooked slice of meat and drops it on to his plate to cool. ]
[Unlike Hades, Rhea'li is less patient. While he does puts some slices of meat on his plate to cool, he blows on the slice he holds in his chopsticks to cool it faster before eating it. A moment of blissful chewing, before he swallows.]
We are on a completely different star and yet much of this reminds me of my time in the Far East.
[His gaze drops to the grilled meat on his plate. He recalls so many bridges being spanned through the sharing of food and drink. The essentials of biological life...]
I wonder, sometimes...
[His stare drifts towards the other customers, many distinctly not human, expression thoughtful.]
...how one would find common ground with those who do not even share such basic needs. The omicrons who conquered the dragonstar, the ea who eschewed physicality in the end...
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[ He starts trudging through the snow. He has no destination in mind. Even after the decades spent in Ilsabard's frigid north, the cold here still seeps through his feet and chills him to the bone. Maybe if he walks far enough then he can finally find some peace. ]
Now if you'll excuse me... I should like to be left alone. Again.
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And while they are different people -- just as Ardbert and himself lived different lives, had opposite and contrasting personalities -- somehow... somehow he thinks Azem, no, Dionysos, will choose to move forward.
Despite Hades' words, Rhea'li falls into step beside him. In the past, perhaps he would leave well alone. But with the pain leaking through their bond, all he can think of is how much it hurts to be alone. It might annoy Hades to not have his wishes followed in this instance, but Rhea'li silently but doggedly walks beside him.]
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Eventually, after they lose sight of town, he finds a large rock and sits down heavily. ]
...What else could I have done then? [ he mutters tonelessly. ] Should I have let the star die? Perhaps that was what we deserved.
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You made the best decision you could with the information you had.
[That was what made the tale of the ancients so tragic. Everyone had been acting in the interests of saving the star -- "We did everything right, everything that was asked of us, and still–still, it came to this!" Ardbert's words resonate deep within him -- and in doing so created suffering hitherto unimaginable.
Rhea'li lets out a long breath, the cold making it a puff of white.]
Even when we were in opposition, I was never angry at you.
[Not when he learnt the extent of what Hades had wrought, not even as he was in the process of transforming into a monster as a direct result of Hades' actions.]
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Is your bond with them broken?
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No.
[ Sarcastically: ]
Not yet.
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Then accept that Azem still wishes to return.
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[ He glowers at the snow in disgust. ] 'Twas nice while it lasted, Rhea'li. But I do not want your sympathy nor your pity.
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Though you think yourself incapable of being loved, Hythlodaeus loves you still, does he not?
[He's just going out on a limb here, going off what he observed from their time in Elpis, from the ghosts of the man once was -- both real and created -- and their time summoned in Ultima Thule. And, of course, their interactions here in Nippon.]
'Tis true Azem may decide to break the bond, for your sins are many and the burden heavy. Yet they may decide to keep it. You know not your future with Azem, but until that bond is broken [and even then, bonds can be mended] you have one, imperfect as it is.
[He does not have something so symbolic as a flower to pierce through the despair held in Hades' heart. But he does stand and reach over to press a hand over Hades heart, the same motion that both he and Azem had done to bond with him.]
To believe there is something better than the present, no matter how slim the chance... That is hope, is it not?
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Hythlodaeus volunteered as a sacrifice. He understood from the beginning why I-- why we had no other choice. Azem never did. Azem resigned their seat rather than take part in the summoning. We argued before they left, said many unkind things about one another... I never had the chance to apologise and I never will.
[ Because an apology for oneself where the other party is ignorant of the reason is no apology at all. ]
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What do you want from an apology to Azem?
[Forgiveness? Understanding from Azem? Acceptance of his regrets? The closure needed to move on?]
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[ He drops his head into his hands, staring at the snow-laden ground. He's starting to go numb from the cold but he doesn't care. ]
I don't expect their forgiveness, or their understanding. I would make the same choices because that is all I-- all we could do in the moment... Try as I might, I cannot see another way to save our star. If all they would give me is their hate, then I suppose I will have to make peace with having lost them for good.
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For the first time, Rhea'li hesitates. He knows that when he clashed with Emet-Selch, it was ultimately over whose will to save the star they so loved was stronger, who had the strength to be the caretaker of the star; the ancients who loved with all their immortal lives, or the short-lived mortals who warred and loved alike. Just... Emet-Selch's version of the star existed in the past, while his existed in the present. And as far as Rhea'li was concerned, one should trouble themselves with the now rather than turn back the hands of time.
Mayhaps because he oft wondered about that time G'raha had come from that he could not fully accept that it had been destroyed in the efforts to save his life.
His next words come out slow and careful, gaze levelled at the same patch of snow as Hades' stare.]
I learned something interesting when I came to this land. I met Thancred... and he did not recognise me, for the Warrior of Light who arose as Hydaelyn's champion in his world was not I.
[He raises his head.]
There are other Etheirys in existence. [His voice lowers, as if entrusting Hades with a secret.] Mayhap there is one whose fate can be averted with knowledge from another world.
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[ After aeons of toiling in the name of his people, can one begrudge him some measure of selfishness now? The happiness of some other him in another world does nothing for he who exists now, in this present situation. ]
Not that I was in a state to care at the time, but I suspected as much when the Exarch did not vanish upon your changing the fate of the First. He is an anomaly that should not have existed. In his time, we Ascians must have succeeded for him to venture on such a foolish and reckless trip through time.
[ Under his breath, he mutters: ] The hypocrite.
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And that is why he continues--]
For Azem... the Final Days has yet to occur. When the scientists have resolved the time loops mayhap the knowledge gained from the Etheirys I fought for could avert the Final Days of their time... should you all choose to return.
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...I suppose. It hardly matters to me now. Do as you please.
[ It is perhaps not the best time to be trying to rally his spirits with the hope of what could be. Hades is too practical to believe in something unproven. ]
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Well... There is little sense in moping out here in the cold. Join me for food?
[He asks it like a question, but there's a gleam in his eye that won't take no for an answer.]
No matter how dire the situation, one always feels better with warm food in their belly.
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[ Call it his... 'Azem sense', if you will. He reluctantly stands, brushing away stray bits of snow off the seat of his pants. They're cold and wet but he welcomes the numbness right now. ]
Fine.
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It's much warmer inside (of course) and the smell of sizzling meats is quite strong in the air. Rhea'li leads them to an empty table in the corner.]
Have you eaten at an establishment like this before?
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I have seen past civilisations with a similar practice... Grilling meat is a fairly common invention. That and...some manner of bread. Soup. Noodles. Pastry.
[ He quickly realises that he does have an appetite and swallows. He slowly takes a seat cross-legged at the table. ]
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Fascinating, no? That cultures of all kinds, even those of different stars, would invent the same things. Yet all with their own little variations.
[It doesn't take long for the meats to arrive. There are a good variety of lean cuts and fatty cuts, as well as less common ones like liver and animal ears. Rhea'li picks up his chopsticks -- he spent enough time in the Far East to learn to use them properly before his arrival here -- and places some of the meat onto the grill, the scent of cooking meat and fat immediately wafting up.]
Don't hold back. This one's on me.
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Eventually, he picks up a set of tongs and starts putting some of his own choices on the grill. As they wait for the meat to cook, his thoughts wander again. He can trace the origin of so many things back to those invented by his people. Not just the beasts which survived the calamity but traces of culture, food, art and music. Many of the stories told echo ones crafted by notable creatives of his time. To him, all these things are familiar. To someone like Rhea'li, or Azem, they're novel.
He sighs quietly, feeling the weight of an entire world pressing down on his shoulders again. It ruins some of his appetite - not enough, however, to stop his stomach from growling as he removes a fully cooked slice of meat and drops it on to his plate to cool. ]
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We are on a completely different star and yet much of this reminds me of my time in the Far East.
[His gaze drops to the grilled meat on his plate. He recalls so many bridges being spanned through the sharing of food and drink. The essentials of biological life...]
I wonder, sometimes...
[His stare drifts towards the other customers, many distinctly not human, expression thoughtful.]
...how one would find common ground with those who do not even share such basic needs. The omicrons who conquered the dragonstar, the ea who eschewed physicality in the end...
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[ He chews slowly. Even Hades is unable to deny some small pleasure from their meal. ]
All questions we could have explored, [ he mutters ] if Fandaniel hadn't taken it upon himself to doom us.
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Lmao I'm gonna switch to prose coz it's easier to type on mobile
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