He snorts bitterly, fingers twitching unconsciously around his mug.
"No. If you had, at least I would have been able to find you again in another life."
He brings the mug to his lips, but the hot tea does little to ease the tightness in his chest. "And before you ask: Azem did perish - along with every other living thing on the star."
Hythlodaeus looks completely taken aback. Whatever he expected Hades to say, this wasn't it. He snaps out of it after a few moments, taking a sip of his sugary tea again to cover up his confusion.
"But if both you and Azem... died... then why didn't I?"
Hades is silent for a long minute. To Hythlodaeus, it's a familiar sight: his ever-serious friend wearing a brow so deeply furrowed that he looks like a wizened elder.
"I...don't wish to speak of it right now. But your soul has long been out of my reach," he says roughly.
When he took a trip to the moon, to stare at their imprisoned god, to look at all the souls held within, he inflicted the pain of Hythlodaeus' loss over and over on his heart. To be so close yet held so far...
Hythlodaeus takes that minute to study his friend's new features - new, but familiar at the same time in the expression Hades wears. Whatever it is that happened, it must have been truly terrible, even more so than what Hades already told him.
He reaches out to cover Hades's hand with his own.
His fist clenches briefly. Then slowly slackens and turns over so that he's grasping Hythlodaeus' hand back. But the furrow in his brow doesn't slacken.
"For now," he mutters. "But you could vanish at any time. Just like our captain did."
His gaze settles on Hythlodaeus' soul, glowing so brightly with its distinctive hue. He never wants to let it out of his sight again.
He chokes on his next words. Wait? Wait?? He's been waiting this long already only to end up dying first. Who says there'll ever be a next time? The Exarch hasn't furnished him with explicit details about how the star had been saved so Hades has no idea if Hythlodaeus will be held indefinitely within their god's prison.
"I can't," he forces out past a tight throat and burning eyes. "This could be my only chance-- We may never meet again. Not even in our next lives."
For once, Hythlodaeus finds himself at a loss for words. It's obvious that Hades has gone through something that Hythlodaeus could never imagine. What can he say here?
Hythlodaeus stands up quickly, unsettled by the atmosphere growing ever heavier. But at the same time it feels so very Hades to try and run away like this, to hide his moments of weakness and vulnerability. In a way, it's a relief that his friend has not changed much in all that time.
Hythlodaeus doesn't waste time and breath on questions. He catches up to his friend in a couple of steps, grabs his hand to spin him around, and wraps his arms around Hades in another hug.
"'Tis not very logical to ask me to stay and then try to run away yourself, Hades."
He struggles weakly, before giving up and giving into his pent-up grief. Quiet sobs can be heard, muffled by Hythlodaeus' clothing, but some of the tears are frustration at his own self. Shame for succumbing to his own emotions when he has managed to keep them guarded for aeons.
"I don't want to lose you again," he whispers hoarsely. "You and Azem promised we would return to the star together but then you both left me. Azem's departure, I understood, but you sent your soul beyond the star's reach as well as mine. How could you be so selfish?!"
Hythlodaeus still has no idea what happened - how is it even possible to send one's soul so far away? - but he can feel how real Hades's grief is. He hugs his friend a little tighter.
"... I'm sorry for leaving you alone, Hades. I... do not know what happened, but I would never want to be parted from you."
The worst part is that Hades knows selfishness had likely been the furthest thought from Hythlodaeus' mind when he volunteered as a sacrifice for Zodiark. If it hadn't been, he would have fought harder to change his friend's mind. But guilt had stilled his tongue - how could he demand that comfort for himself whilst letting the rest of their people offer themselves?
"If I thought it would change your mind," he mumbles, "I would tell you now. But I cannot. So let me enjoy the time I have with you for this moment. I'll never experience it again."
Hades is still reluctant to reveal what happened; it's only further proof of how much it affected him. Hythlodaeus raises a hand to gently pat his friend's hair; it seems that all he can do for now is just be there.
It feels like he stands there quietly crying against Hythlodaeus for a long time. He commits everything he can to memory: his friend's scent, the warmth of their embrace, their quiet voice. All of it is a stark rebuke against the shade which had found itself wandering his recreated Amaurot. That insubstantial thing could only capture a memory of the man holding him now, and it had been woeful.
Eventually, he starts to calm. He spends a little more time composing himself before pulling back, trying to wipe his face as subtly as he can (not very subtly at all) with his sleeve.
Oh no, Hades... Hythlodaeus hurriedly pats his pockets - fortunately, the corsair crew still saw fit to furnish its members with handkerchiefs. He fishes it out and holds it out to his friend.
"You've naught to apologize for. But I think it would be a good idea if I stayed here for a while, hmm? Even if I do earn enough coin to change lodgings."
Once the more serious moment passes, Hythlodaeus tries to inject a bit of levity into the conversation. After all, he knows that getting huffy with him is one of the constants for Hades.
He reluctantly accepts the handkerchief and uses it in lieu of his sleeve.
"I'm sure you would stay here no matter how much I nag at you to leave," he grumbles as he cleans his face. "The bed is mine, I'm telling you now. If you give me a day, I can find a bedroll for you."
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"No. If you had, at least I would have been able to find you again in another life."
He brings the mug to his lips, but the hot tea does little to ease the tightness in his chest. "And before you ask: Azem did perish - along with every other living thing on the star."
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Hythlodaeus looks completely taken aback. Whatever he expected Hades to say, this wasn't it. He snaps out of it after a few moments, taking a sip of his sugary tea again to cover up his confusion.
"But if both you and Azem... died... then why didn't I?"
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"I...don't wish to speak of it right now. But your soul has long been out of my reach," he says roughly.
When he took a trip to the moon, to stare at their imprisoned god, to look at all the souls held within, he inflicted the pain of Hythlodaeus' loss over and over on his heart. To be so close yet held so far...
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He reaches out to cover Hades's hand with his own.
"Well, I am here now."
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"For now," he mutters. "But you could vanish at any time. Just like our captain did."
His gaze settles on Hythlodaeus' soul, glowing so brightly with its distinctive hue. He never wants to let it out of his sight again.
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Hythlodaeus squeezes Hades's hand gently, trying to reassure him.
"Even if that happens, I could return here again, I believe. Just like I suddenly arrived. You would just need to wait for me."
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He chokes on his next words. Wait? Wait?? He's been waiting this long already only to end up dying first. Who says there'll ever be a next time? The Exarch hasn't furnished him with explicit details about how the star had been saved so Hades has no idea if Hythlodaeus will be held indefinitely within their god's prison.
"I can't," he forces out past a tight throat and burning eyes. "This could be my only chance-- We may never meet again. Not even in our next lives."
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For once, Hythlodaeus finds himself at a loss for words. It's obvious that Hades has gone through something that Hythlodaeus could never imagine. What can he say here?
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Abruptly drawing his hand back, he stands and makes to walk to the bathroom. "I'm sorry, I need a moment."
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Hythlodaeus stands up quickly, unsettled by the atmosphere growing ever heavier. But at the same time it feels so very Hades to try and run away like this, to hide his moments of weakness and vulnerability. In a way, it's a relief that his friend has not changed much in all that time.
Hythlodaeus doesn't waste time and breath on questions. He catches up to his friend in a couple of steps, grabs his hand to spin him around, and wraps his arms around Hades in another hug.
"'Tis not very logical to ask me to stay and then try to run away yourself, Hades."
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"I don't want to lose you again," he whispers hoarsely. "You and Azem promised we would return to the star together but then you both left me. Azem's departure, I understood, but you sent your soul beyond the star's reach as well as mine. How could you be so selfish?!"
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"... I'm sorry for leaving you alone, Hades. I... do not know what happened, but I would never want to be parted from you."
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"If I thought it would change your mind," he mumbles, "I would tell you now. But I cannot. So let me enjoy the time I have with you for this moment. I'll never experience it again."
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"Alright. I'm here, Hades. I'm here."
He can hold his friend for as long as he needs.
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Eventually, he starts to calm. He spends a little more time composing himself before pulling back, trying to wipe his face as subtly as he can (not very subtly at all) with his sleeve.
"I'm sorry for that unseemly display..."
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"You've naught to apologize for. But I think it would be a good idea if I stayed here for a while, hmm? Even if I do earn enough coin to change lodgings."
Once the more serious moment passes, Hythlodaeus tries to inject a bit of levity into the conversation. After all, he knows that getting huffy with him is one of the constants for Hades.
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"I'm sure you would stay here no matter how much I nag at you to leave," he grumbles as he cleans his face. "The bed is mine, I'm telling you now. If you give me a day, I can find a bedroll for you."
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"You would have me sleep on the floor? When I have but recently arrived?"
Woe! Despair! Such cruelty!
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"You should have your own accommodations for this moon! What, you're expecting to move in on the very first day?"