emet_sulk | [avalon] IC Inbox

The words make Hythlodaeus's breath catch in his throat, heart beating maddeningly fast. This... This is real. A part of him wishes that they could have done this more... right, with flowers and poetry and entwining of souls and certainty in their future. But this world is cruel in so many more ways than one.

Hythlodaeus gently entwines his fingers with his friend's, lowering the box with the earring to his lap so he can raise the other hand to cup Hades's face and draw him into a kiss, soft and tender.

"And I love you full in kind, Agesandros," he murmurs after pulling away, a happy smile on his face - almost shy in a way, and all the more genuine for that. "Of course I accept. You are indeed the stars of my life - such meaning and comfort you give to my own existence. How could I be without you?"

He rests his forehead against Hades's, his smile growing a little sadder, his voice more desperate.

"So... please, Hades. No more sacrifice. Let us not trade our lives away - for one another we must live and grow, create and love. That is what I would charge you with."

His lips part but he finds his response sticking in his throat.

He can't promise. He can't promise not to sacrifice himself for Hythlodaeus. He would do it in a heartbeat, and he would even destroy this entire world if it meant keeping his lover safe.

His oath of service won't allow him to lie. So instead he settles for conditional acceptance:

"I will try."

This kind of deflection does not entirely escape Hythlodaeus, and with a heavy heart he cannot help but think that his friend has spent much too long in the mortal world, tormented by loneliness and guilt. After all, is it not such a mortal notion, for your life to be the most important thing that you can give someone? But they think about it in the wrong way - what they wish to gift is their own death. To give a life is to walk together, to care for one another through highs and lows.

A part of him wonders if he can even convince Hades not to go through with something like this. Perhaps all he can do is pray that such a thing never comes to pass.

Nevertheless, there is selfishness in love, and so Hythlodaeus wraps his arms around his friend - his bonded, now, - pulling him into a hug.

"Pray do not leave me alone, Hades."

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, his own arms slipping around Hythlodaeus' waist. Perhaps he has lived too long amongst mortals. But he can't help but think that this body will someday age and wither, and Hythlodaeus will be alone whether he wishes it or not.

"I won't," he says, voice muffled by his partner's robe. "I won't leave you alone, 'Daeus. I will always be with you."

It's easier to say because it's true. In life or in death, his soul is bound to theirs. They two know this better than most.

Those words fill Hythlodaeus's heart with a bittersweet sadness. They have a long and arduous road ahead of them, but what may turn out to be even harder to face is what lies at the end of it. For a few moments he allows himself to simply enjoy Hades's presence, the warmth of his body, his faint heartbeat that he can feel through their clothes. But today is a day for confessions and revelations, and so...

"Mayhap when our work here is done, and our powers returned to us... I would bring your soul home, Hades. And guide you to your rest, should you wish it."

His breath catches. He grips Hythlodaeus' robes tightly, feeling heat rise to his eyes once more.

"Please," he whispers. "There is nothing left for me in my time. I would look upon our city at least one last time if I can."

To see a city of life rather than a city of wraiths. He is so homesick he can hardly bear it.

"I wish I had known how you felt back then. We could have had so much more time..."

Hythlodaeus's own breathing is a little uneven as well as he tries to keep himself from crying, too. The idea of letting Hades return to his time, to the sundered world, to the solitude and despair of it... it does not bear thinking about.

"Worry not, Hades. Have you not already charged me with being more open with your past self?"

"Yes..." He nuzzles into his friend's shoulder as he draws a shuddering breath. "I do worry that I will interpret it as a bad jest, but you are nothing if not persistent. I have faith in you, 'Daeus."

It's nice being held like this. Having shed many tears already, these fresh ones now soon cease. Unlike before, he has the assurance of someone who will stand by him and draw him back should he stray too far. It will be fine. They will be fine.

"...Thank you," he murmurs. "I-- I promise to live. At least until we can return home. I won't throw my life away needlessly."

Hythlodaeus strokes through his friend's hair softly, letting him dry his tears, but that last remark doesn't escape his notice. Until they return home...

"What would you do once we return, Hades?.."

"I..."

He trails off, realising he hasn't given it much thought yet. He wants to see Amaurot, yes, and then he had thought Hythlodaeus would help him to his final rest.

Is that really all he wishes for?

Playing with the ends of his friend's long hair, his brow furrows as he mulls the question over. "I don't know," he confesses eventually. "I thought that you would send me on once I was done gazing upon our home. You have all of eternity to spend with my past self - the Hades you're familiar with. You do not need us both."

Perhaps in another context he might have made a joke or two about having two Hadeses in his life, but once again Hythlodaeus only feels a pang of sadness. "Need"? That, too, is such a... mortal view, that people can be not needed - as though it's possible to measure one's worth like that.

"Hades... Each life is precious and needed, as you know full well. Pray do not be so quick to dismiss yourself.

And 'tis not only as a lover that I care for you, lest you decide to corner yourself into some manner of romantic rivalry with your younger self. You are my friend and someone who has toiled for twelve millennia for me and all of our brethren. Your existence is worth more than merely my romantic feelings for you."

He can envision all too easily how he may grow jealous of his past self. His nose wrinkles but he offers no objection. In truth, he's forgotten how he used to believe all lives worth equal value. Hythlodaeus' reminder almost shames him.

He should know better. He's no longer under Zodiark's sway, and hasn't he acknowledged that the star belongs to the mortal races now?

But-- "I'm so tired though, 'Daeus," he murmurs. "'Tis a trial simply to wake up each morning. Living feels like a burden - one that your presence alleviates, but still a burden. What purpose would my life have in a city which has only ever known peace...?"

He's quiet for a short while, contemplating with both fear and sadness the thought of life feeling like a burden. But with all that his friend has seen, done, been through... it is not a surprise in the least.

"Yet is it not the strife of the mortal world that tires you out so? 'Twould be a time of recovery for you, Hades."

Would it...?

It's his turn to be silent for a time. "I'm worried that I will no longer fit in amongst our people. That peace will not suit me after waging war for so many centuries."

He sits up suddenly, a spark of an idea lighting his eyes. "I could travel the way Azem once did. Perhaps that would soothe my restlessness. But..."

He doesn't want to be parted from Hythlodaeus.

Seeing Hades brighten up like that warms Hythlodaeus's heart as well. He smiles, once again combing his fingers through his friend's hair.

"Then why not travel together with Azem? The wisdom you've gained over all these years would serve you well there, too."

"Assuming Azem accepts me..."

His memories of them have grown faded over the years. Some things are clear whilst others tickle the edge of his mind. He doesn't think they'll reject him. He hopes they won't.

"But I would miss you, my friend. My home ever remains Amaurot, and my heart to you."

"If there is one person you needn't worry about accepting you, 'tis our Azem. 'Twas not for naught they were chosen to be the one to unite us all."

Hythlodaeus smiles, his cheeks a little pink at Hades's proclamation of affection - something he never truly expected to hear, really. Gently, he takes one of his friend's hands, raising it to his lips to press a soft kiss to the backs of his fingers.

"...And mine, to you. But 'tis not as though you would be away for that long at a time. Or is it having me for a travel companion that you long for?"

He presses his lips together and glances aside, clearly embarrassed. He doesn't tug his hand away though. "I enjoy our dates. I enjoy the places you discover that somehow elude me. The eateries, the galleries - you have a way with people that I lack. You and Azem both.

"But I would not take you away from my past self, who would miss you if you travelled the world with us. He needs you, 'Daeus. He needs someone to stop him from spending all day in his office. He needs someone to remind him that responsibility is not a shackle." Lifting his other hand, he caresses Hythlodaeus' cheek. "Just promise you will be home when I return, yes?"

It fills Hythlodaeus's heart with such warmth to contemplate a future like that - not only saving their world, but finding a place for Hades in it as well, a way for him to belong and be happy once more. It's enough to make tears rise to his eyes again, but accompanied by a smile this time as he tips his head into that caress.

"Of course, Agesandros. You would always have me to return to. And... while I look after your younger self, mayhap you could wrangle Azem. Though with your newfound freedom of character I do wonder whether you would keep them in check or simply help them be even more efficient in bending the rules for their adventures."

Just imagine: poor young Hades on one side and the likely unholy combination of his much older self, Hythlodaeus and Azem on the other.

"I am duty-bound to side with myself," he informs his friend tartly. "I'll be sure to reign in Azem's activities where possible. Although I must confess... I do understand the reasons behind their actions better than I did before."

Leaning in, he kisses Hythlodaeus chastely. His heart flutters now with something that feels dangerously like hope. "Are you sure you can handle us both though, 'Daeus?" he asks slyly. "Sometimes you seem at a loss as to how to counter my wit."

Hythlodaeus closes his eyes briefly, smiling into that kiss, but that smile grows into a smirk in response to Hades's question.

"Do I, now? I would say that I still hold the upper hand in our little... rivalry, let us call it that. Though I shall admit you did get better."

"Hmph." He smirks as well, although it soon softens into a fonder smile. He leans a little more into his newly bonded, lacing their fingers together.

"When you cornered me in the bathroom the first night we spent together," he says softly, "you asked if I preferred to be led. I've grown accustomed to leading other men and women, but I think in matters of intimacy I do like surrendering control to a lover whom I trust. I can be myself around you, 'Daeus. I can let the mask fall away."

Though the slight change of topic is not entirely unexpected, Hythlodaeus is still taken aback by it. His face slowly grows redder as the full implications of what Hades says sink in, but he can't help the giddy smile rising to his lips as well. Perhaps if it had been just about the pleasures of the flesh Hythlodaeus would have found some space in which to simply flirt back or laugh the fluster away, but such a level of trust as Hades speaks of goes much farther.

Gently, Hythlodaeus raises a hand to cup his bonded's cheek, draw him into a kiss - not deep, but very affectionate, lips working softly against Hades's.

"Then you can leave it to me to lead you," he murmurs once they part, his thumb stroking Hades's cheek. "I can but imagine how much you must need it now, after so many centuries of having to be in control."

The kiss fills his cheeks (and admittedly, other parts of him) with warmth. His eyes flutter shut as their lips meet, and a wistful sigh escapes him when they inevitably part. There's nothing but pure, abject love as he gazes at Hythlodaeus.

"I can show you some mortal practices I learnt in that depraved city," he suggests coyly. "If such things interest you, that is. I would like to see the romantic touch you bring to them."

Hythlodaeus has to (not very successfully) subdue an excited grin at the suggestion--after all, it's not as though he's without an interest in such things, but most of all it's the offer of intimacy that makes his heart flutter.

"Certainly. After all, are we not meant to share knowledge freely?" Hythlodaeus allows himself some teasing in his tone as well... before it grows softer again as he pulls Hades closer, resting their foreheads together. "And I would say that now, more than ever, I see it as my duty to make you happy, Agesandros."

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emet_sulk - 2021-05-11 16:55 (UTC) - Expand