He can feel Hythlodaeus' eyes on him but he steadfastly keeps his on the ground. He knew it: his deeds are too horrific to be forgiven. Not that he expected any - but he's afraid to delve deeper into his past, afraid to see the love and affection turn to horror, afraid that his friend will stop seeing him as Hades and start seeing him as the monster he truly is.
Rather than wait for that inevitable cut-off, he lashes out pre-emptively.
"Speak of what?" he snaps. "Of how I fought in wars and killed men and women with my own two hands? Of how I ordered the deaths of thousands upon thousands many more to expand Garlemald's might and territory? Of turning a blind eye to the abuse and discrimination 'twixt Garlean and conquered peoples because I wanted rebellion, I wanted instability? Everything I involve myself in turns to dust, Hythlodaeus. Whether that's nations, lovers, or even the children I sire. All fades away. All perish - and someday, I, too, will join them. Even if I do not deserve it."
no subject
Rather than wait for that inevitable cut-off, he lashes out pre-emptively.
"Speak of what?" he snaps. "Of how I fought in wars and killed men and women with my own two hands? Of how I ordered the deaths of thousands upon thousands many more to expand Garlemald's might and territory? Of turning a blind eye to the abuse and discrimination 'twixt Garlean and conquered peoples because I wanted rebellion, I wanted instability? Everything I involve myself in turns to dust, Hythlodaeus. Whether that's nations, lovers, or even the children I sire. All fades away. All perish - and someday, I, too, will join them. Even if I do not deserve it."