He does want to go home. He wants to see Amaurot as it once was, full of life and creativity. He wants to spend idle days with Hythlodaeus and Azem, where the worst thing he has to worry about is a headache from their combined mischief. He craves it so desperately that it almost makes him feel ill. But to return with the knowledge that it would all soon crumble is a heartache he is not sure he can bear a second time.
His friend's steady presence eventually does serve to anchor him. His unsteady breathing evens out. Miserably, he realises that once again he has burdened Hythlodaeus with his own angst and struggles to gather his scattered thoughts and emotions. How many more times must this happen before he can bear this weight on his own?
Serve. Save. Slave. Slay.I will never atone for what I've done.
"Why is it mortal man is allowed to wish for a better world, but not I?" he mutters.
As if mortals don't wish for a better life. As if they don't also seek eternity. As if they won't also eventually seek perfection and waste away like every other blasted star in the universe. Hypocrite. Hypocrite.
no subject
He does want to go home. He wants to see Amaurot as it once was, full of life and creativity. He wants to spend idle days with Hythlodaeus and Azem, where the worst thing he has to worry about is a headache from their combined mischief. He craves it so desperately that it almost makes him feel ill. But to return with the knowledge that it would all soon crumble is a heartache he is not sure he can bear a second time.
His friend's steady presence eventually does serve to anchor him. His unsteady breathing evens out. Miserably, he realises that once again he has burdened Hythlodaeus with his own angst and struggles to gather his scattered thoughts and emotions. How many more times must this happen before he can bear this weight on his own?
Serve. Save. Slave. Slay.I will never atone for what I've done."Why is it mortal man is allowed to wish for a better world, but not I?" he mutters.
As if mortals don't wish for a better life. As if they don't also seek eternity. As if they won't also eventually seek perfection and waste away like every other blasted star in the universe. Hypocrite. Hypocrite.
"I hate her."